by Andrea Bufkin

Sunday evening, after a busy day at work, the house was quiet. I was home alone, which was a rare treat: my once a week opportunity to catch the newest episode of my favorite show.  My husband, Greg, left to pick up my daughter from her weekend visitation with her dad. I had just taken a bite of dinner and turned on the tv when my phone rang. 

It was a number I didn’t recognize, but the frantic voice I heard I recognized immediately, and it made my stomach drop. I knew it was my daughter. I knew something was wrong, but I could not understand anything she was telling me. After a couple of minutes, a gentleman got on the phone and explained where he was, where my daughters were, and that my husband was unconscious in our car sitting in the median waiting on an ambulance to arrive. 

Although I knew Greg had a history of prescription drug use, I just knew this was a stroke. There is NO WAY my husband would take drugs while driving our children. I immediately reached out to our pastor and the community group we had recently joined, asking for prayers. 

Had I known that Greg had accidentally overdosed with prescription drugs purchased off the street, laced with fentanyl and benzodiazepines, I would have never sent those messages to my community group and pastor. And my marriage would have ended; my husband may have died; our family would have been destroyed. 

Addiction is isolating. My husband was very vocal about his PAST battle with addiction. So much so, that I felt the need to protect his reputation and advocacy against addiction by hiding his current battle. But that facade was stripped away with his overdose, which lead to more shame and regret that he was unable to face. The shame he felt, coupled with my intensified efforts to “manage” his addiction, led to another overdose only fifteen days later. At that point, I was desperate and knew he needed help from professionals, but after years of addiction, we could barely make ends meet much less pay for treatment. 

Our community group was so loving and encouraging during those two weeks. Not once did anyone dismiss our pain, our contribution, our desire to serve God, or our struggle. Not once did we feel judged. 

Our community group, within days, paid for Greg to go to 90-day inpatient rehabilitation. During those ninety days, they continued to walk with the children and me. They assisted financially, sent volunteers to help with things around the house, provided meals, and loved us all. 

Because of their love and faithfulness, Greg and I started a ministry to provide the same love and support to other families affected by addiction.

Does your community or church have a way to help in place to air those struggling with addiction or their families as they get rehabilitation?

An alarming National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH) states that as many as 45 percent of people in the United States struggle with a dual diagnosis- substance use disorder AND a mental illness like depression or anxiety. How many more are in relationships with those people that suffer as well? There is a mission field right at our doorstep.

Before having a personal experience with addiction, I tended to avoid those people, the one battling the addiction AND the people who chose to stay in relationships with them.  We often perceive the “sinful lifestyle” of people in our community as a choice. Or, in the case of family members, they “choose” to allow someone's behavior to affect them. It is easy to dismiss a person and their needs if we look at their choices rather than their pain. Research shows us there is a link between childhood trauma and addiction in adults. 

What does that mean for us? 

For me, it means that behind every addict is a hurting little boy or girl needing a safe place to heal. It also means I have to provide a safe space for my children to be able to talk openly about their mental and emotional state. It means learning what healthy boundaries are and how to communicate and enforce them. 

What does this mean for our church and community?

For our local body of believers, the numbers and needs were too great to turn a blind eye. Greg and I developed El Roi Ministries to come alongside the families of members of our community struggling with addiction. Our mission is to meet the needs of the family of the addict as there are many resources for recovery, but few for the family.  The church- both the individual people and the organization, were instrumental in the survival of our family as well as supported us at the beginning of our ministry. 

What can I do to help the family of someone struggling with addiction or someone getting help with addiction?

Where to Start?

There are many ways in which the church can help without staff, money, or expertise in addiction. Support the family of an individual struggling with addiction by:

• Babysitting 

• Helping clean/organizing 

• Assisting with lawn care 

• Providing meals 

We can also help as individuals within the Body of Christ. Simply reach out to the family of someone attending rehabilitation by,

• Empathizing

• Sharing your story- addiction is isolating, and it means so much to a person to know they are not alone

• Inviting the family to participate in events/fellowship 

In other words, just love people. Let the church be The Church right where you are in your community. Consider Paul’s words in Ephesians 1:15-18,

For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints.

Resources

We’ve created a free downloadable PDF to explore the article deeper. It contains discussion questions about the topic in general terms that will give you a jumping-off point for beginning a conversation.

The second page contains a way to see the topic from a biblical perspective.

And finally, to go deeper into the subject, we have chosen a few curated resources to explore from other authors’ and thinkers’ research or perspectives.

Read. Engage. Enjoy!

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Depending on how a gem is held, light refracts differently. At B+PC we engage in Pop Culture topics to see ideas from a new angle, to bring us to a deeper understanding. And like Pastor Shane Willard notes, we want “…Jesus to get bigger, the cross to get clearer, the Resurrection to be central…” Instead of approaching a topic from “I don’t want to be wrong,“ we strive for the alternative “I want to expand my perspective.” 

So, we invite you to engage with us here. What piqued your curiosity to dig deeper? What line inspired you to action? What idea made you ask, “Hmmm?” Let’s join with our community to wrestle with our thoughts in love in the Comment Section! See you there!