by Keegan Drummond 

After the death of Kobe Bryant and eight others (including his 13-year-old daughter Gigi) in a tragic helicopter crash on January 26, 2020, the world began the process of grief. NBA players, fans, movie stars, politicians, and even pastors Tweeted and Instagrammed their tributes and lament for one of the greatest basketball players of all time. People wept over the death of someone who changed the game of basketball forever. Someone who ruined their team's chance to be NBA champions. Someone who embodied the expression, "blood, sweat, and tears" (AKA the Mamba Mentality). Someone who was a husband and a father. As a Christian, I am wary of how we, as Christians, tend to share our "thoughts and prayers" after the death of someone like Kobe. Often, our well-intentioned clichés and our preaching come off as tone-deaf. As we enter the season of Lent, can we revisit our vocabularies and homilies after people die? How can we find ways of embracing grief and suffering, to be present to the reality of death, and to preach the Gospel without our clumsy words? 

The Christian faith happens to have a pretty great answer to the problem of death—the Gospel. The restoration and reconciliation of all things through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ (Col 1:20). Christians celebrate the resurrection of Christ every year at Easter with the understanding that He is but the "firstborn of the dead" (Col 1:18) and sets a precedent for the bodily resurrection of all mankind (John 5). One of my favorite theologians, St. Athanasius of Alexandria (296-373 AD), tells us in his book On the Incarnation, 

He accepted and bore upon the cross a death inflicted by others, and those other His special enemies, a death which to them was supremely terrible and by no means to be faced; and He did this in order that, by destroying even this death, He might Himself be believed to be the Life, and the power of death be recognized as finally annulled.  

A marvelous and mighty paradox has thus occurred, for the death which they thought to inflict on Him as dishonor and disgrace has become the glorious monument to death's defeat. 

The reality of the resurrection that Christ entered the grip of death and overcame it is not just Christ's reality; it is human reality. Yet when death comes near, the tension of a glorious future with a broken present often elicits our severely misinformed condolences. 

As I scrolled through Twitter the day Kobe died, I saw the typical Christian-ese responses: 

"God needed another angel in heaven." 

"God has a reason for everything." 

"God makes no mistakes."[1] 

If we are to take a step back and assess the implications of such statements, we would realize how badly they mischaracterize the sovereignty of God. 

Are we willing to say that God let Kobe and Gigi Bryant die in a tragic helicopter crash because He "needed them?" 

Is there really a divine plan that separates a 41-year-old father and husband from his family? 

Is God the active mover causing the death of three children, barring us from grief because God "doesn't make mistakes?" 

I would humbly answer all of these questions, "No." Human existence can be tragic and random. We can lose our heroes or children at any moment. God loves us, and cares for us and yet we are constantly vulnerable to loss. This is the balancing act we as Christians will always need to navigate carefully. Yet the resurrection informs us that God not only understands our fragility but will eventually elevate us from it. 

 If Christians really have the greatest message concerning death, then why are we so bad at talking about it? My hypothesis is this:

The American church does not know how to grieve. 

Interestingly, every year we have a day to practice grief—Good Friday. On this day, we remember Christ's suffering and death for the sake of all mankind. We remember the forsakenness that Christ truly felt on the cross as He cried out, 

My God, my God, why have you forsaken Me? (Mt 27:46). 

In the Revised Common Lectionary, Hebrews 4:14-16; 5:7-9 is read encouraging us that Christ intercedes to the Father for our sake, dispenses mercy and grace in our time of need, that Christ understands our suffering because Christ Himself suffered and because of that became the source of salvation. John 18-19:42 is then read in which we see the gravity of that suffering: Christ was betrayed by His friend, wrongfully accused, suffered physical torment, and died. Suffering and death make us human; they make us like Christ. 

Yet I cannot tell you how many times I've walked in on a Good Friday service and heard upbeat praise music or someone saying, "Happy Easter" on Holy Saturday.  One time I recall hearing someone say this, and I quickly shouted back, "NOT YET!" Death is not seeker-sensitive. You cannot dress it up with a light show or a guitar solo. We can pretend it is not there and instead talk about hope and life on Good Friday as we try to get some hands raised for the altar call. This attitude invalidates true human experiences of betrayal, physical pain, forsakenness, and death. Instead, we ought to use this day, and the days we lose someone like Kobe, to embrace the reality of suffering and the sufferers. 

This attitude of insensitivity was especially evident in the attempts to evangelize through the death of Kobe Bryant. To set the record straight, I am an Evangelical, someone who believes that Christian witness is a calling for every believer. However, I think how we witness is a necessary component of discerning our approach to that call.  

I like to follow mega-church pastors on Instagram to keep my finger on the pulse of Evangelicalism in America. As a seminarian, I try not to be critical, although taking a couple of theology classes tends to make us think we are the new incarnation of Thomas Aquinas. I was very discouraged to find that pastors were using the death of Kobe as a witnessing opportunity. To be fair, I don't think they were "cashing in" on a publicized death like Kobe; it is just part of the Evangelical instinct. 

Many of the funerals I have attended in an evangelical setting were often concluded with an altar call. I've spoken to many of my peers here at Duke and found that this was not only commonplace in churches they had attended but were serious deterrents for their loved ones to ever consider attending that church. It seems insensitive to use the death of someone we had never met to share our faith. Evangelism is not merely preaching while "every head is bowed, and every eye is closed." As St. Francis of Assisi said, 

Preach the Gospel at all times and, if necessary, use words.

Be hesitant to see death as an opportunity for anything other than living out a Christ-shaped life towards those affected by a loss. 

As we move into the season of Lent and as we move through the process of grief following the death of Kobe Bryant, let us be present. Let us not pretend to be above tears and lament. Let us not attempt to suppress our feelings of anger and confusion. Let us not say, "Happy Easter!" On Holy Saturday, nor "God has a reason" after our friends lose loved ones. Let us not step onto our soapboxes. Let us cry. Let us question. Let us be silent. Let us enter spheres of grief with love and prayer. And In those moments, let us image the crucified God. 

Kobe wrote an open letter of encouragement to fellow NBA player Gordon Hayward after his gruesome in-game injury in 2017 which speaks to us as we grieve his death, 

Be sad. Be mad. Be frustrated. Scream. Cry. Sulk. When you wake up, you will think it was just a nightmare only to realize it’s all too real. You will be angry and wish for the day back, the game back THAT playback. But reality gives nothing back and nor should you. [2]

1.  Dr. Kate Bowler offers fantastic responses to these misinformed cliches and substitutes helpful alternatives to say to those grieving in the appendix of her book, “Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I Have Loved.”

2.  https://www.instagram.com/p/BaZQjy1gyv2/?hl=en.

Resources

We’ve created a free downloadable PDF to explore the article deeper. It contains discussion questions about the topic in general terms that will give you a jumping-off point for beginning a conversation.

The second page contains a way to see the topic from a biblical perspective.

And finally, to go deeper into the subject, we have chosen a few curated resources to explore from other authors’ and thinkers’ research or perspectives.

Read. Engage. Enjoy!

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Depending on how a gem is held, light refracts differently. At B+PC we engage in Pop Culture topics to see ideas from a new angle, to bring us to a deeper understanding. And like Pastor Shane Willard notes, we want “…Jesus to get bigger, the cross to get clearer, the Resurrection to be central…” Instead of approaching a topic from “I don’t want to be wrong,“ we strive for the alternative “I want to expand my perspective.” 

So, we invite you to engage with us here. What piqued your curiosity to dig deeper? What line inspired you to action? What idea made you ask, “Hmmm?” Let’s join with our community to wrestle with our thoughts in love in the Comment Section! See you there!