A Millennial Reflection: Attending Church- I Have More Questions Than Answers
by Toni Carr
Kelly Kapoor. Gif courtesy of Giphy.com.
Is the church still relevant? By “church,” do we mean the institution or the gathering of believers? Let’s focus on the latter. The answer changes depending on who you are asking. Old people, young people, believers, agnostics, and me. In my case, I don't have an answer to where I am with figuring out where the church fits into my life.
I’m a 34-year-old single boy mom struggling with depression and anxiety, and I’m lazy. I don’t like going out unless it matters to me, and that includes going to church. Recently, I began attending a Wednesday and Sunday evening Bible study at the church where I was raised. I am not a member of this church and I do not plan on becoming one. I’m not even Baptist anymore. I attend because one of my very dearest friends asked me to come to a Bible study specifically for people in our age group. I love her, and for the past eight years, we’ve had trouble finding time to hang out on the regular. We would see each other at our children’s birthday parties and bemoan the fact that we never hang. This was an active attempt to see her and her husband (who is just the best) while also getting into communal Bible discussion.
I like the studies we engage in, the discussion is fantastic, and I get to see my bestie. If it wasn’t for her, would I be there? Not at that church, specifically. The church is fine, but I just won’t go there. I have a “home church,” however, I am too chronically lazy to get there in the morning. I’m not proud of this fact. I wish I had the stamina to go. Notice that the study I do attend is in the evening. Mornings are not my thing, but that is hardly the church’s problem to solve.
Maybe I’m a curmudgeon and just hate going out. Maybe as I get older, I just enjoy reading privately and having intimate discussions without all the gathering and singing.
Maybe watching philosophical and religious lectures on YouTube while I type on my computer at work or finally clean my house is subjectively more enjoyable than being in a group following an order of service.
Maybe I’m a (gulp and gag) Millennial and am unnecessarily bucking against the system and being a lazy, antisocial baby about all this.
Maybe the church as it stands isn’t enough for the new frontier of technology, attention spans, and access to information.
Lil Jon. Gif courtesy of Giphy.com.
Religion has always struck me as an intensely personal endeavor. We’re all here for each other, and the Church serves as a means for organizing the larger group, but my journey seems to come to a halt when I’m in a group larger than twenty. I lose my focus and my brain goes: now-I’m-stuck-on-one-facet-of-the-message-and-I-want-to-immediately-research-it-but-pulling-out-my-phone-is-rude-and-now-we-have-to-sing-again-and-I-really-don’t-like-this-song-but-I-know-that’s-irrelevant-to-the-Kingdom-and-we’re-not-here-for-me-and-wow-this-guy-preaches-a-sermon-when-he-prays-out-loud-and-do-I-really-need-to -be-here-for-this-because-he-could-just-talk-to-God-on-his-own-and-let-us-get-on-with-it-and-now-I’ve-lost-that-incredible-thought-or-question-I-had-and-the-moment-is-over. That’s my train of thought at any normal church service.
Instead of being in a service, I want to be at home listening to a lecture. I want to talk to someone I love over coffee for hours about what we are learning, about God, about our faith, about walking this thing out for real. I want to go searching for books and more lectures about different topics and issues relevant to my religious journey. I want to get with my friends and collect food to give to people we know who need it.
Chris Farley from Saturday Night Live. Gif courtesy of Giphy.com.
I believe that it is important to come together as believers. Fellowship is important to personal growth and leads to helping others out with their journeys. I don’t want this to come across that I think church gatherings are useless, and we should all just fend for ourselves. In fact, I don’t even really know what I am advocating. This is very personal and confusing. I love God. He and I are homies. I want to learn about Him constantly and I want to do the work for others that He requires. I just don’t know where the common church service fits into that equation.
My main point is that the church experience has remained largely unchanged over the past century. With different technologies and attention spans, it can’t hurt to explore the relevance and efficacy of that model.
We’re meeting together, but how are we doing it? Where are we doing it? Why are we doing it? Is it meeting the large scale needs of the Kingdom? Is it too scheduled? Is there enough time to dig into discussions and find real and lasting inspiration?
I don’t know.
When Jesus was with his disciples, he emphasized getting close to God and reaching out to others with love to bring the kingdom of heaven here on earth. I’m at a point in my journey where I’m trying to accomplish both of those things without having to deal with common church attendance.
I can explore terrifying existential questions in comfortable settings and with familiar people on my own terms. I can love people who need compassion and assistance without dealing with oversight and too many chefs in the kitchen, as it were. I can discover new ideas and knowledge without clearing it with the powers that be to make sure it’s in agreement with their comfortable paradigm.
Confused Baby. Gif courtesy of Giphy.com.
Recently a friend shared that they didn’t want to consider a new Bible study curriculum until her church leadership vetted it. They also didn’t want to meet with a private group outside of the church’s influence for fear of being met with ideas they couldn’t run by the leadership. I can’t count how many new things I’ve learned without supervision and how much it has brought me closer to God and opened by heart to compassion and empathy that I was not aware I was capable of possessing. I didn’t need a church to accomplish this and continue discovering new opportunities for enlightenment and love, but I did need community.
How can the church reach people like me who want less of how they’re structured and more of what they are supposed to facilitate? Further, are they willing to leave their flock open to outside influence if it means individual enlightenment without their permission?
Boy, that’s a whole ‘nother discussion.
Lucille Bluth, Gif courtesy of Giphy.com
Resources
We’ve created a free downloadable PDF to explore the article deeper. It contains discussion questions about the topic in general terms that will give you a jumping-off point for beginning a conversation.
The second page contains a way to see the topic from a biblical perspective.
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